So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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