True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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