Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize