You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
