Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
