I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Enjoy the penises
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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