I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
