1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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