Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
