I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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