too bad you live with your parents still
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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