I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm eating all of the evidence.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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