It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
