I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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