my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize