I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
