i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
