Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
