I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
