soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
