Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
pray to the hookup gods
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
