Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
