dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
