Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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