just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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