her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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