You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
