She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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