just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
