Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Everything about him screamed your future.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
