i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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