the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
