That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize