Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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