I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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