An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize