i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
