at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize