I just pynch a tree in the face
ugly people sure do ruin things
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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