Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
