U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
