why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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