i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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