never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We need a shit load of segways right now
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize