I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
