I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
