I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
