i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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