I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
