ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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