How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize