Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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