You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
