I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
