i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
