I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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