4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
