Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
