i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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