Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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