??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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