All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When are your genitals available?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize