Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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