Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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