his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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