apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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