Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
