I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
